Being truthful is a good thing. We've been taught that; we teach our children that. But honestly, is it really?
I've had three truthful statements that have innocently been said to me in the last 24 hours. They are very funny but I've decided that I, personally, can only handle so much truth.
First of all, yesterday when the grandson and I were about to read some books, I found my spot on the sofa in his room. I sat all perched ready for him to present to me the books he wanted me to read to him. Then it happened!
He came over to me and patted my stomach and asked, "Do you have a baby in there?" Being very aware that I have gained some weight and it all landed in my middle, I laughed and replied, "No. There's no baby in there, but it does look like it, doesn't it?" Well, that wasn't the end of it. He started kneading my tummy saying, "Yes, there's a baby in there. I can feel it." At that point, I grabbed a book.
Good thing he is only three and as his expecting mother explained, "Oh, don't take it personally, he does that to himself, too." Easy for her to say--she is 5 months pregnant and I just look like I am.
Okay, I can handle it. It was funny. However, I did pass on the cinnamon rolls while ago when I went through Sonic for some tea (unsweetened, of course).
A three year old can get away with saying things, but how do I explain this next "misspeak." I had lunch with two of my friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. One just celebrated her 50th birthday yesterday and was in town on business. The other friend I worked with in my preschool era.
As usual, the "how-are-you-doing" comments started up and the general inquiries of work, retirement, quickly followed with the "oh-you-look-great" comments that we all are so good at saying. Honestly, what are you going to say, "My goodness, you have really aged."
But then, in the conversation about work, retirement, grandchildren, my work friend threw into the conversation, "I am older than Leta" at which my younger friend replied without skipping a beat (and obviously without thinking), "You're kidding. Really?" Once again, I started laughing and she then realized what she had said. "Oh, I didn't say that right, did I? You both look great!" Too late!
Okay, a three year old can get away with saying things because of his age, but a 50 year old? Oh, now that I think about it, maybe a 50 year old is in the same boat. Remember, when we were 50? Mere children.
This would be an excellent time for the husband, or a friend, or anyone to pipe in a compliment to help boost me back up. Too bad no one was around, but wait...I just remembered--when I left to go to meet my friends for lunch dressed in my skinny jeans, cute jacket, tall boots with heels, no less, and with make-up on, the Mexican yard man did say, "You look pretty today." SO THERE!
I feel better now. And it's a good thing because this morning I got another one of those compliments that leave you wondering and laughing. I had an 8:30 eye appointment--a recheck for my recent cataract surgery which is quite ironic now after telling you the previous story. Nevertheless, a cute and young little nurse or aid or helper of some kind, called my name, "LEEETA," and I rose to go back to the examining room.
As I was crossing the reception area of the office, she paid me a compliment--Yay! Smile, smile. She said, "I like your jacket." I replied sweetly, "Why, thank you" (feeling good). Then she continued, "I used to have jackets like that but I gave them all away when they went out of style. I wish I had kept them!" I kid you not. Those were the words that came out of her mouth.
Of course, I laughed and replied, "When you get old and you have kept all your cute jackets, then you can wear them again when they come back." Weak, I know, but what can you say. I know I have had this jacket awhile, but now I'm in a quandary--do I put this jacket in the Goodwill box or hang it back in my closet? After all, there are no holes in it and it is evidently coming back in style.
It will probably go back in the closet with all the other cute jackets. Or maybe I should just have a huge yard sale for all those clothes that have been in my closet for awhile (like years).
Yes, then with all the money I make (haha), I will get a tummy tuck and a face lift. Better schedule that yard sale quickly, or maybe you guys can send donations--I don't know if my self-esteem can handle much more TRUTH!
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
Treasuring Our Delusions
On my trip to see my sister in Northwest Arkansas this weekend, I started listening to a fiction book by Anna Quindlen, one of my favorite authors. I like to listen to books while I drive. It keeps me alert and it seems to shorten the trip. When we lived in Fort Worth, I was able to "read" lots of books simply by driving to work which was about a 30-45 minute drive depending on traffic.
It is amazing, though, how many books you can finish in a bunch of those 30 minute time frames. So this weekend I really got into this new book that I checked out from the library.
Sometimes when reading or listening you run across a phrase that resonates with you. The way in which an author uses language can be gripping. The problem in listening to such a book is when you hear a beautifully written sentence, you can't highlight it or reread it. You are forced to try to just remember it. I try really hard to remember such sentences. But half the time while I am repeating that beautifully written sentence to myself, I miss the next sentence or even sometimes paragraphs.
One book that particularly comes to mind in that regard was Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier. My brilliant brother-in-law had recommended it and had expressed how rich the language was in it. Larry is a wonderful wordsmith himself. So I "read" it while making a few round trips between Fort Worth and Little Rock and was captivated by the beautiful prose.
Of course, I can't even begin to tell you now any of those sentences or phrases that I thought were so rich and eloquently written. Actually, I probably couldn't recite them minutes after I heard them. But I will always remember that Thirteen Moons was beautifully written as well as an excellent story.
Nevertheless, I got back to Little Rock last night right at the most intense moment of this current book. I have sat in the car and listened a little longer in such cases but not last night. I came in, sat down at the computer, and ordered the book for my Kindle. I did this for two reasons--I simply had to know what happened and there was a phrase that had really made me think when I heard it. I wanted to find that exact sentence again and ponder it.
So I bought the book, finished reading the book, and then went back through the book to find the sentence I was intrigued with and highlighted it. Here is the sentence that I paid good money to find!
Does that make you stop and think like it does me? Often "delusions" are referred to in the media when something happens to someone who is "not in his right mind." But I wanted to see the official definition. So I highlighted the word "delusion" and waited for the Kindle to go directly to the dictionary. (Ain't technology great?) I found the definition to be exactly as I thought--"a false belief or opinion."
Okay, but the sentence speaks of "treasuring our delusions." Hmmm. Do I?
I think back to me as a young twenty-three year old about to get married and with plenty of delusions. I had been a single teacher for a couple of years and I was so excited to be "finally" getting married. I had been in my older siblings weddings and had served in different capacities for some of my friends' weddings. In the 60's and 70's being a bride was up at the top of most girls' "To Do" lists. I know for some girls getting their "M.R.S." degree was more important than a "B.A." or "B.S.E" degree. It was why some went to college in the first place.
Now I wasn't like that. Although all my siblings had married while in college, and I didn't (not because I was too into my studies to be bothered by such, but because I was a "late bloomer." which means I didn't date much. But at least I did graduate in three years even though it was without the M.R.S. degree!) My delusion at that time in my life was that I, too, would get married in college like my siblings and many of my friends.
I must say that I wanted to do just like they did and find a wonderful husband. That's how it worked, right? Go to college, find the love of your life, get "pinned," get engaged, and finally get married. Then life would be perfect, complete; happiness would surround me. I would be an English teacher, have a family, and live happily ever after, right? I think I shared and treasured that delusion like many people did back then.
Oh my! Am I saying that I didn't have any happiness and didn't find a wonderful husband? No, not at all! It just happened differently from my "delusion," but I am thankful for the way reality set in.
Even though the timing of my marriage was not part of my original delusion, I think I still believed that everything would be easier being married. But, honestly, marriage, children, life--it is all hard--harder than anyone ever told me. At least, quite a bit harder than those delusional family sitcoms we watched on TV back then.
But wasn't it fun to think about "living happily ever after?"
I know now that those thoughts were delusions; but I treasured them at the time. I still have delusions that I treasure. I don't like to think of them really as "delusions," but they are.
For instance, I always dream that our family get-togethers (i.e. Christmas, other holidays, birthdays, vacations) will be perfect. Everyone would come decorate the Christmas tree with carols playing in the background, a fire crackling in the fireplace. Joy would be oozing out of everything we did.
Everyone would be so happy to see each other; no one would take offense at some joke or misspoken words. There would be plenty of sweet laughter. The food would be perfect. The house would stay clean. Everyone would want to stay at our house and visit family--not friends. Who would want to leave such sweet family fellowship? And Santa Claus actually comes down the chimney with everyone's most desired gifts, right?
But in reality it doesn't happen that way in our family. I'm not saying that we don't have wonderful, lovely times together; we do, but we are not "The Waltons" as in "Goodnight, Johnboy."
Then there is this other delusion that I have treasured--when my daughters grow up (and they have), I will be that wise and wonderful mother for whom my daughters come to and ask for advice. PLUS, (here's the best delusion ever) I will have the wisest answers for them filled with enough facts to fit the need, the down-home kind of truth that the wise women in stories can come up with instantaneously, a dash of humor to lighten the seriousness of this wonderful advice, and an abundance of love. They then go away a little in awe, thanking me and thinking how they hope they will somehow someday have even a small sprinkling of the wisdom that I have. Ahhh, yes. I'm getting a little teary-eyed thinking about it.
But the reality is that when they ask me a question or advice, I'm like, "Well, I don't remember exactly" or "Uh, let me think...Hmmm. Well, I just don't know, sweetie." They give me that sympathetic (or pathetic) look and go ask their friends.
It is unfortunate, I guess, that reality absolutely destroys delusions--these fairy-tale dreams. Or maybe that's not bad. Fairy tales can be scary too and fairly predictable after awhile.
Fairy tales usually have a princess or a queen. But being a princess or queen in these fairy tales has its problems as well, doesn't it? Crowns can get heavy and give you a headache. You might have to actually kiss frogs or sleep forever waiting for a kiss to wake you up, or live in a tower with long, long hair, or clean up after your mean family (oh, I do that--but they aren't mean though), or live with seven little men, who whistle all the time.
If these dreams or delusions actually happened, first of all, they wouldn't be "delusions," but more importantly you would miss all the fun and satisfaction of dealing with reality--like when you solve a problem at work, or figure out how to be in relationships, or how to make a living, or start to be thankful for those dateless nights which actually enabled you to build good girlfriend relationships and prove that you are okay by yourself, or knowing that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and adored, or being able to say, "Bye. Now go have fun with your friends. I'm going to bed."
So delusions are not real but maybe they have a real place in our lives. Maybe it is fine to treasure these unreal expectations, these delusions, for awhile. Maybe that is why we keep trying in our real lives--keep trying to have that idyllic Christmas, keep trying to improve, keep trying to have that satisfying relationship, keep hoping to become wise as we age.
I really don't know the answer, but I do know that delusions as well as reality help make us who we are. Now, I want to be the person who doesn't choose to treasure the delusions but rather to treasure my realities, no matter how difficult or pleasant they may be--that is my goal.
Is that just another delusion??? Hmmm.
It is amazing, though, how many books you can finish in a bunch of those 30 minute time frames. So this weekend I really got into this new book that I checked out from the library.
Sometimes when reading or listening you run across a phrase that resonates with you. The way in which an author uses language can be gripping. The problem in listening to such a book is when you hear a beautifully written sentence, you can't highlight it or reread it. You are forced to try to just remember it. I try really hard to remember such sentences. But half the time while I am repeating that beautifully written sentence to myself, I miss the next sentence or even sometimes paragraphs.
One book that particularly comes to mind in that regard was Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier. My brilliant brother-in-law had recommended it and had expressed how rich the language was in it. Larry is a wonderful wordsmith himself. So I "read" it while making a few round trips between Fort Worth and Little Rock and was captivated by the beautiful prose.
Of course, I can't even begin to tell you now any of those sentences or phrases that I thought were so rich and eloquently written. Actually, I probably couldn't recite them minutes after I heard them. But I will always remember that Thirteen Moons was beautifully written as well as an excellent story.
Nevertheless, I got back to Little Rock last night right at the most intense moment of this current book. I have sat in the car and listened a little longer in such cases but not last night. I came in, sat down at the computer, and ordered the book for my Kindle. I did this for two reasons--I simply had to know what happened and there was a phrase that had really made me think when I heard it. I wanted to find that exact sentence again and ponder it.
So I bought the book, finished reading the book, and then went back through the book to find the sentence I was intrigued with and highlighted it. Here is the sentence that I paid good money to find!
"It's only before the realities set in that we can treasure our delusions."
Does that make you stop and think like it does me? Often "delusions" are referred to in the media when something happens to someone who is "not in his right mind." But I wanted to see the official definition. So I highlighted the word "delusion" and waited for the Kindle to go directly to the dictionary. (Ain't technology great?) I found the definition to be exactly as I thought--"a false belief or opinion."
Okay, but the sentence speaks of "treasuring our delusions." Hmmm. Do I?
I think back to me as a young twenty-three year old about to get married and with plenty of delusions. I had been a single teacher for a couple of years and I was so excited to be "finally" getting married. I had been in my older siblings weddings and had served in different capacities for some of my friends' weddings. In the 60's and 70's being a bride was up at the top of most girls' "To Do" lists. I know for some girls getting their "M.R.S." degree was more important than a "B.A." or "B.S.E" degree. It was why some went to college in the first place.
Now I wasn't like that. Although all my siblings had married while in college, and I didn't (not because I was too into my studies to be bothered by such, but because I was a "late bloomer." which means I didn't date much. But at least I did graduate in three years even though it was without the M.R.S. degree!) My delusion at that time in my life was that I, too, would get married in college like my siblings and many of my friends.
I must say that I wanted to do just like they did and find a wonderful husband. That's how it worked, right? Go to college, find the love of your life, get "pinned," get engaged, and finally get married. Then life would be perfect, complete; happiness would surround me. I would be an English teacher, have a family, and live happily ever after, right? I think I shared and treasured that delusion like many people did back then.
Oh my! Am I saying that I didn't have any happiness and didn't find a wonderful husband? No, not at all! It just happened differently from my "delusion," but I am thankful for the way reality set in.
Even though the timing of my marriage was not part of my original delusion, I think I still believed that everything would be easier being married. But, honestly, marriage, children, life--it is all hard--harder than anyone ever told me. At least, quite a bit harder than those delusional family sitcoms we watched on TV back then.
But wasn't it fun to think about "living happily ever after?"
I know now that those thoughts were delusions; but I treasured them at the time. I still have delusions that I treasure. I don't like to think of them really as "delusions," but they are.
For instance, I always dream that our family get-togethers (i.e. Christmas, other holidays, birthdays, vacations) will be perfect. Everyone would come decorate the Christmas tree with carols playing in the background, a fire crackling in the fireplace. Joy would be oozing out of everything we did.
Everyone would be so happy to see each other; no one would take offense at some joke or misspoken words. There would be plenty of sweet laughter. The food would be perfect. The house would stay clean. Everyone would want to stay at our house and visit family--not friends. Who would want to leave such sweet family fellowship? And Santa Claus actually comes down the chimney with everyone's most desired gifts, right?
But in reality it doesn't happen that way in our family. I'm not saying that we don't have wonderful, lovely times together; we do, but we are not "The Waltons" as in "Goodnight, Johnboy."
Then there is this other delusion that I have treasured--when my daughters grow up (and they have), I will be that wise and wonderful mother for whom my daughters come to and ask for advice. PLUS, (here's the best delusion ever) I will have the wisest answers for them filled with enough facts to fit the need, the down-home kind of truth that the wise women in stories can come up with instantaneously, a dash of humor to lighten the seriousness of this wonderful advice, and an abundance of love. They then go away a little in awe, thanking me and thinking how they hope they will somehow someday have even a small sprinkling of the wisdom that I have. Ahhh, yes. I'm getting a little teary-eyed thinking about it.
But the reality is that when they ask me a question or advice, I'm like, "Well, I don't remember exactly" or "Uh, let me think...Hmmm. Well, I just don't know, sweetie." They give me that sympathetic (or pathetic) look and go ask their friends.
It is unfortunate, I guess, that reality absolutely destroys delusions--these fairy-tale dreams. Or maybe that's not bad. Fairy tales can be scary too and fairly predictable after awhile.
Fairy tales usually have a princess or a queen. But being a princess or queen in these fairy tales has its problems as well, doesn't it? Crowns can get heavy and give you a headache. You might have to actually kiss frogs or sleep forever waiting for a kiss to wake you up, or live in a tower with long, long hair, or clean up after your mean family (oh, I do that--but they aren't mean though), or live with seven little men, who whistle all the time.
If these dreams or delusions actually happened, first of all, they wouldn't be "delusions," but more importantly you would miss all the fun and satisfaction of dealing with reality--like when you solve a problem at work, or figure out how to be in relationships, or how to make a living, or start to be thankful for those dateless nights which actually enabled you to build good girlfriend relationships and prove that you are okay by yourself, or knowing that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and adored, or being able to say, "Bye. Now go have fun with your friends. I'm going to bed."
So delusions are not real but maybe they have a real place in our lives. Maybe it is fine to treasure these unreal expectations, these delusions, for awhile. Maybe that is why we keep trying in our real lives--keep trying to have that idyllic Christmas, keep trying to improve, keep trying to have that satisfying relationship, keep hoping to become wise as we age.
I really don't know the answer, but I do know that delusions as well as reality help make us who we are. Now, I want to be the person who doesn't choose to treasure the delusions but rather to treasure my realities, no matter how difficult or pleasant they may be--that is my goal.
Is that just another delusion??? Hmmm.
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