The Thorn in My Side(Walk)

I've been thinking a lot lately about self-improvements.  I've read articles; I've bought books; I've actually started working on a few things.  But I am having difficulty getting my head around all of these self-improvement goals of mine.  You see, I am a waverer.

Some days I waver between "Oh, heck, I am what I am" and "I have to do better in this area!"   "This" can mean a number of things--getting into shape, getting more organized, getting more spiritual...you name it.  I'm sure there is nothing wrong with trying to improve oneself at the age of sixty-four even though some people might say, "Too late" while others might say, "About time."  (I waver on those opinions, too.)

So this morning I was in the "I have to do better" mode and decided to attack two of my present self-improvement goals.  I was going to walk and "be spiritual."  I figured that the walking part would be natural and easy.   After all, for much of my adult life, I was a runner.  I easily ran anywhere from 10-15 miles a week, sometimes more--not a marathon but hey...So walking should be a breeze.

Since walking wouldn't be a problem, then it shouldn't be difficult to pray and talk to God while I was walking.   Surely, I can walk and talk, right?  So off I went, and at a good pace as well.  I was getting in the zone both physically and spiritually.  I was thanking God for the beauty of the morning.  I was expressing how I know He doesn't ever leave us; we are the ones who distance ourselves from Him.  I vowed to make myself do the things to draw me closer to God--to make me always aware of Him. 

I don't know about you, but sometimes I get busy in my own busyness and leave God alone.  After all, I am sure He is very busy Himself.  But you must know that when I really, really need Him (as in "HELP!"), I definitely expect Him to be with me and He is.  Now, I know that is not very spiritually mature and I admitted that to God this morning.  (I'm pretty sure He already knew it though.)

Trying to grow spiritually, I remembered that our Sunday School teacher told us that we not only need to pray but we also need to listen--listen for God's voice; listen for His guidance.  So, after awhile this morning, I quit talking to God and started trying to listen.  (I really wish He would talk louder.)  I wasn't sure that He talked to me at all though because it sounded a lot like me talking to me. 

Maybe I just didn't give Him enough time.  But I was really interested and determined to hear Him--I was there with an open heart, an open mind and a respectable walking pace.  I was aware of my surroundings (and focusing on God).  Being aware of my surroundings is especially important since the sidewalks are typical of old neighborhoods--sometimes they're broken making a stumble possible if you are not paying attention.  But I was paying attention--thank goodness.  I have taken a tumble before on walks.  Not today though.

But being so aware, so focused on God, I didn't foresee another mishap seconds from happening.  Out of the blue and all of a sudden something fiercely slapped into my hand and legs.  I didn't know what it was, but I immediately felt the pain from it.  Then quick as a wink out from my mouth came the loudest and worst #$@&%*! ever! 

I looked down to find that I was stuck with thorns (BIG thorns) across my legs and in my hand. Where, oh where, had that come from (the branch not the expletive--I knew where the words had come from, unfortunately!)  Then I saw the overgrown bush with one branch, so innocuously-looking from a few feet away, reaching across the sidewalk waiting to attack me.

I immediately recognized the irony of the situation as I was picking out the thorns.  How can a person go from so reverent to so profane so instantaneously.  I guess God understands and, thank goodness, His love is unconditional, but honestly--it was just a split second!

Realizing how abrupt my change of focus and attitude occurred, it was definitely a disappointment to me--after all, I was really trying.  But those thorns stuck in my legs and hand took my immediate attention.  They were ridiculously painful.

However, as I continued my walk (yes, I continued), I thought about thorns in general and I thought specifically about the crown of thorns that Christ was made to wear.  What pain He had to endure.  A few were dreadful to me but a crown of them?  Oh my!  

So, I admit--I definitely have a ways to go on my spiritual journey.  But maybe my walk did my body and spirituality some good today!

I think I actually learned a few things:

• It is terribly easy for me to "stumble."
• When I stumble, literally or figuratively, I usually say things I wish I hadn't.
• Christ never stumbled but still suffered; the depth of suffering that Christ endured for us all was more than I have ever physically endured.
• There are pitfalls (thorns) everywhere and no matter how often you talk and listen to God or how close you feel to Him, you can still experience a "thorn." 
• Those people whose lives seem extraordinarily smooth and spiritually rich likely have a few unexpected thorns show up along their paths as well.  

Not bad for a thirty minute walk.