Judging

Judging:  1.   a balanced viewpoint through careful weighing of evidence; discernment
                2.   criticism

I looked up this word even though I "know" what it means.  You, too, know what it means, right?  We do it all the time although we may not use the actual word.   In fact, we may not even use the first definition.  The second one is so much easier.

How easy it is to "judge" other people by criticizing them (of course when they can't hear us).  What an abundant amount of material there is to "judge" them by.  We may judge a person by the way she dresses, talks, where he lives, what they do.  So I guess unfortunately all my "judging" fits the second definition.  But look at that first one--"a balanced viewpoint through careful weighing of evidence."  My!  Who has time to carefully weigh evidence when you are judging!  I say that with sarcasm but I think it may be truer than I would want it to be.

In a courtroom I expect a "balanced viewpoint."  The judge will look at all the sides of the evidence before announcing an opinion.  But out of the courtroom, we all too often become "judges" but not necessarily with care or balance or discernment.  We, or I, go directly to the criticism definition.

We've been taught that it is wrong to judge.  It's in the Bible; it is part of parents' and teachers' instructions to their kids.   So why do we do it?

Maybe we don't think we are doing it; maybe we have done it so much that it really doesn't phase us anymore.  Nevertheless, why am I thinking about it today?


I guess it started when my son-in-law who lives nearby asked if he could borrow my paints.  I said, "Of course, but I have to find them."  I knew they were in my room, but that night my room was a mess.  (Don't judge me!)

He followed me to the room and I looked in all the places I thought they might be in.  Well, it was really a little more complicated than that because I had to step over piles all around my unmade bed to do so.  (I have excuses if you want to hear them.)  Nevertheless, I finally found them.

I also found that I was exceedingly embarrassed about the state of the room--enough so that I attacked the room the very next day and put it in perfect order.  I was quite pleased with myself and decided to send Shaun a picture of it.  I wanted him to see for himself that the room was clean and is most of the time (okay--some of the time).

So I sent him the picture of a very clean, organized, neat room with a message that stated something like, "See, I can clean it up."  He sent back this message:  "I won't judge you if you won't judge me!"

Wow!  What an amazing young man.  And the truth of it is that he means it.  I know how easy it is to say the right thing but it is hard to always mean it.  This guy is so genuine and sensible and nonjudgmental.  He taught me something that day and I have thought of that comment many times since.

Judging--at least the second part of the definition, criticism--is so a part of our culture.  We see in politics the constant judging and criticizing.  In churches, the ministers are the first to be judged.  Even in small groups of friends, we judge.  We may like to call it discussing (gossip?), but in doing so, do we "achieve a balanced viewpoint?"  Or do we just point out how someone is different from us (generally meaning they are wrong or not as good as we are)?

Judging others is not the only way of judging.  I see it frequently as a personal thing.  I judge myself often and I must say rather harshly.  I think I ought to be as organized as so-and-so.  Or enjoy cooking as much as that person.  Or have a perfect marriage like "those" people.  When expressing these shortcomings of mine, a very wise person said these words to me:  "Do not judge others' outsides by your insides."
   



Wow again!  I must admit I have done that.  Those people living in those big, beautiful houses must have it made.  That couple is always holding hands; they must have a great marriage.  That top dog executive has it all!  What a life.   The Life looks so good from the outside.  However, we really don't know their stories;  we don't know what all goes on the inside of that house or that person.  Their real stories may make us grateful for ours. 



Okay, so all this judging, criticizing, or discerning--whatever you call it--happens.  We deal with it.  We resolve not to be so judgmental.  We try to have a more balanced viewpoint.  We fail and we try again.

I doubt that judging others or ourselves will stop; maybe reading this and thinking about judging will help.  Maybe Shaun's comment will stick in your mind as it has mine.

But in case I have become too didactic, let me close with the quote:

If you care to walk in my shoes, go ahead.  Plus, I'll tell you right now, you can even keep the shoes.  They probably hurt my feet anyway.

Judging not,
Leta