The Thorn in My Side(Walk)

I've been thinking a lot lately about self-improvements.  I've read articles; I've bought books; I've actually started working on a few things.  But I am having difficulty getting my head around all of these self-improvement goals of mine.  You see, I am a waverer.

Some days I waver between "Oh, heck, I am what I am" and "I have to do better in this area!"   "This" can mean a number of things--getting into shape, getting more organized, getting more spiritual...you name it.  I'm sure there is nothing wrong with trying to improve oneself at the age of sixty-four even though some people might say, "Too late" while others might say, "About time."  (I waver on those opinions, too.)

So this morning I was in the "I have to do better" mode and decided to attack two of my present self-improvement goals.  I was going to walk and "be spiritual."  I figured that the walking part would be natural and easy.   After all, for much of my adult life, I was a runner.  I easily ran anywhere from 10-15 miles a week, sometimes more--not a marathon but hey...So walking should be a breeze.

Since walking wouldn't be a problem, then it shouldn't be difficult to pray and talk to God while I was walking.   Surely, I can walk and talk, right?  So off I went, and at a good pace as well.  I was getting in the zone both physically and spiritually.  I was thanking God for the beauty of the morning.  I was expressing how I know He doesn't ever leave us; we are the ones who distance ourselves from Him.  I vowed to make myself do the things to draw me closer to God--to make me always aware of Him. 

I don't know about you, but sometimes I get busy in my own busyness and leave God alone.  After all, I am sure He is very busy Himself.  But you must know that when I really, really need Him (as in "HELP!"), I definitely expect Him to be with me and He is.  Now, I know that is not very spiritually mature and I admitted that to God this morning.  (I'm pretty sure He already knew it though.)

Trying to grow spiritually, I remembered that our Sunday School teacher told us that we not only need to pray but we also need to listen--listen for God's voice; listen for His guidance.  So, after awhile this morning, I quit talking to God and started trying to listen.  (I really wish He would talk louder.)  I wasn't sure that He talked to me at all though because it sounded a lot like me talking to me. 

Maybe I just didn't give Him enough time.  But I was really interested and determined to hear Him--I was there with an open heart, an open mind and a respectable walking pace.  I was aware of my surroundings (and focusing on God).  Being aware of my surroundings is especially important since the sidewalks are typical of old neighborhoods--sometimes they're broken making a stumble possible if you are not paying attention.  But I was paying attention--thank goodness.  I have taken a tumble before on walks.  Not today though.

But being so aware, so focused on God, I didn't foresee another mishap seconds from happening.  Out of the blue and all of a sudden something fiercely slapped into my hand and legs.  I didn't know what it was, but I immediately felt the pain from it.  Then quick as a wink out from my mouth came the loudest and worst #$@&%*! ever! 

I looked down to find that I was stuck with thorns (BIG thorns) across my legs and in my hand. Where, oh where, had that come from (the branch not the expletive--I knew where the words had come from, unfortunately!)  Then I saw the overgrown bush with one branch, so innocuously-looking from a few feet away, reaching across the sidewalk waiting to attack me.

I immediately recognized the irony of the situation as I was picking out the thorns.  How can a person go from so reverent to so profane so instantaneously.  I guess God understands and, thank goodness, His love is unconditional, but honestly--it was just a split second!

Realizing how abrupt my change of focus and attitude occurred, it was definitely a disappointment to me--after all, I was really trying.  But those thorns stuck in my legs and hand took my immediate attention.  They were ridiculously painful.

However, as I continued my walk (yes, I continued), I thought about thorns in general and I thought specifically about the crown of thorns that Christ was made to wear.  What pain He had to endure.  A few were dreadful to me but a crown of them?  Oh my!  

So, I admit--I definitely have a ways to go on my spiritual journey.  But maybe my walk did my body and spirituality some good today!

I think I actually learned a few things:

• It is terribly easy for me to "stumble."
• When I stumble, literally or figuratively, I usually say things I wish I hadn't.
• Christ never stumbled but still suffered; the depth of suffering that Christ endured for us all was more than I have ever physically endured.
• There are pitfalls (thorns) everywhere and no matter how often you talk and listen to God or how close you feel to Him, you can still experience a "thorn." 
• Those people whose lives seem extraordinarily smooth and spiritually rich likely have a few unexpected thorns show up along their paths as well.  

Not bad for a thirty minute walk.

Thinking Small

I've been trying to think small lately.  "No, you have it wrong," you say.  "Think BIG."  Isn't that the idea our society wants us to adopt.  Bigger dreams, bigger houses, bigger bank accounts, bigger number of followers on Facebook--everything and anything that is big is supposed to be better.

Truthfully, I've always liked big.  I've totally bought into the concept of big is good, more is better.  If you are in my house, you know it.  And, if you are in my attic, you would actually see it.  Our attic just got a lot more crowded when I was preparing for company recently.   I used it to store things from the house which couldn't be hidden in the microwave or under the bed or in the car.  Doing that led me to see how much better (and bigger) my house looked.   See, I told you I bought into the BIG idea.

So it's obvious that I really need to get rid of things.  (Not the first time I've had this thought.  Really it happens each change of season, each time I clean my house, each time I go to the attic.)  But this thought process has also been instigated by a book I recently bought (and rediscovered while removing piles).   It is called The Big Tiny by Dee Williams.  It is about a young woman who after some health problems decided to sell her big house, which was consuming her time and money in repairs as well as maintenance, and build herself tiny house.  

Now she is not the only one that has had this idea.  The tiny house concept has become quite popular.  This movement is almost a decade old now. I'm sure you have heard of it.  There is even a television series called "Tiny House Nation."  Some of these "tiny houses" are as big as 300 square feet.  Dee Williams house is only 86 square feet and cost her $10,000.

In her memoir she states, “The best part of living in a little house is discovering that I can now work part time.  There’s no hefty mortgage or utility bills, no credit card debt tied to fixing the furnace or purchasing a new couch to fill the void in the living room…there is no void in the living room. Now I’ve got time to hang out with my friends, and to go for a long walk in the middle of the day. I have time to hang out with my neighbor’s four year old, and show him how to plant sunflower seeds in the garden. It’s the gift of time; that’s the best part of the deal.” 


Anyway, all of this has me thinking--hypothetically, what would I have to have in a tiny house?   Obviously, just personal necessities.  The tiny houses are built with amazingly cute multipurpose spaces--like the kitchen island that is also a dog crate or the book case that is also a Murphy bed.  Or the kitchen table that makes into a lovely guest bed.  (Oh, I just made some of that up, but I'm sure it would be possible in the tiny house world of thinking.)

No matter how creative the design is, there is just so much space.  To fit in a tiny house, no matter who you are, you will have to purge.

I think about all the stuff I now own--clothes, jewelry, shoes, books, art stuff, furniture, dishes, knick-knacks, wall decor/pictures, family pictures, toys for the grandson, linens, blankets, tablecloths, keepsakes, grooming aids and appliances, hair products and makeup, children's possessions (will you keep this for me for awhile, mom?), yard stuff, cleaning equipment.  And that doesn't even include the attic.

So let's say I am moving to a tiny house.   Help me think this through...I would need a bathtub for when I get jumpy legs--okay, I promise to take my meds on time and forego the space for a tub.  I could probably just have a microwave and a fridge.  Kinda want a dishwasher though.  And those 2 burner stove tops would be handy.  Of course a washer and dryer--probably the kind that is one unit but does both things. 

Since the essentials are built-in, all I have to do now is decide what personal items I would need.  How many clothes and shoes and books, and jewelry are mandatory?  This is going to be hard.

Let's start there--with my wardrobe.  Thinking about closet space, how about if I would take 2 pair of jeans and 5 casual tops (remember now Dee and I only "have to work part time"), pair of nice black pants, 4 nice tops, a blazer-type jacket, a cardigan sweater, and a coat--can't be too big though but we don't have all that many really really cold days.  Then there would be a pair casual shoes, pair of tennis shoes, a pair of boots, gloves, sock hat. 

I'd take a set of sheets, a blanket, 2 towels and 4 washcloths (I don't know why 4 washcloths but only 2 towels), 2 kitchen towels and again 4 dishcloths. 

I'd take my Samsung Galaxy and iPhone for reading material, plus my Bible.  (Can't take all those books, for heaven's sake.)   Of course, the computer--have to get a laptop replacement.  Yes, I would have to have a TV, but that could be built in over the dining table/guest bed/dog crate/fireplace.  No problem.

What else?  Kitchen things--my coffee maker, 4 plates, 4 cups, 1 pot, 1 skillet, spatula, wooden spoon, can opener (manual), 4 place settings of silver ware.  Oh, I also will need a mixing bowl and 2 or 3 serving dishes for when company comes over.  (You will come over, won't you?) 

Well, I guess I have figured it out.  I would just pack one suitcase and really not even need a "carry-on" and drive on over to my new tiny house.  No need for a moving van.  Unpacking and arranging won't take long.

I guess I'd better meet my new neighbors and hang out with their children and plant some sunflower seeds.  Uh-oh,  I didn't bring my gardening tools.  Hmmm.  Well, forget that.  We'll read a book.  Nope, no books.  We can make cookies--yikes!  No oven.  We will go for a long walk--hope it's not too hot or too cold cause I don't have any shorts or a really big coat.

Maybe a tiny house is not for me, but at least, I have a clearer idea of what is really important and necessary and what is not.  And not surprisingly, lots of my things would fall under the "not necessary" side of the tally sheet which is probably true for all of us.

I have convinced myself to do a purging in this house and attic.  I am going to try to reduce the clutter, clothes, decorations, papers, books, toys, and all those other extras.

I am going to think smaller--less is more.  Yes?  (we'll see....)