"I Wanna Hold Your Hand"

I love the idea of holding hands, don't you?  It is such a sweet connection between two people. I'm lucky--not everyone can hold hands at work.  (You know those laws about harassment.)  But I get to hold hands a lot  Of course, they are children's hands, but it is so sweet and enjoyable.

Of all the children's hands I get to hold, I especially love getting to hold the grandsons' hands.  Now, though, holding hands with first grandson is limited.  I get to when crossing a street and in parking lots.  He is 5.  Those are the required hand-holding times and he accepts that pretty well.  Other hand-holding opportunities with him are few and far between.  He drops the hand quickly.  Just as quickly, he "wipes off" the kisses I love to give him.  He's big now, you know.

Second Grandson who isn't even 2 years old yet has already stopped needing to hold my hand to toddle around.  He's quite good at toddling on his own these days.  He is still carried a lot which I love; but when he is older, I will definitely enjoy holding his hand for however long he will allow it--probably just the few minutes we cross a street or a parking lot, like big brother.

Holding those sweet little hands is so pure and uncomplicated.  But holding hands doesn't necessarily stay that way.  All too soon, it is anything but uncomplicated.  Remember the teen-aged days when it was thought about, longed for, dreamed about.  Then on occasion it could be icky, ignored, dreaded and avoided if possible.

Grown-up hand-holding is definitely an intriguing subject to me.  I'm a watcher.  I always watch those people who walk down the street hand in hand.  You see the teen-aged boy and girl holding hands as well as an adult man and woman.  These days it is not uncommon to see a girl and a girl or woman and a woman or guys of the same sex holding hands. All of them may range from timidly holding hands to boldly.  

This makes it quite interesting--thinking about and perhaps guessing about their relationships.  Are they in a new relationship?  Are they “old married folks?”  Just what is going on?  A lot of our couple friends hold hands and I think they definitely would fall into the “old married folks” category. They look comfortable with the act so I guess they have held hands for many years.  

This husband of mine is not a big hand-holder and I don't know why he is not.  I've given it quite a bit of thought through these 43 years of marital bliss.  On occasion I've even grabbed his hand and forced him to hold mine.  Well, for a bit.  Then the hand would fall off.  I've even tried to ask him about it and I will admit I even pouted about it while we've walked down the street not touching hands.  (Didn't help a bit!)

So why is it?  I can't figure it out but I wonder:  Is it because it hurts his hands?  Is it because it is awkward?  Is it because his hands secretly sweat?  Is it because he has hand-arthritis and never told me?  I don't think those are the answers.

Maybe it is just a disability.  Are there others in the world with this disability?   Wondering this, I went to the source of ALL information, Google, and typed in "holding hands." Surprisingly, I discovered that this simple action is much more deep-seated than anyone, especially me, would have guessed.

To be honest, I didn't think I would find much factual information about it.  I figured I'd find the lyrics from the Beatles song, "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and maybe some references to other songs about "the act."  But no—I found that hand-holding "reveals the secrets of a relationship!"  Dang!  I should have studied this subject years, no decades, earlier.

Now I’m worried and it gets worse!

The great and mighty Google said, "Not only is hand-holding a very essential and fundamental part of any relationship, it is also reveals quite a lot about what you feel for the person you’re with."  Uh-oh.  Maybe we are in trouble and we didn’t know it.  

Don't get me wrong--I know we both love each other!  But what if we had held hands all these years?  Would we love each other more?  Would our relationship be significantly and essentially better? 

Now to add insult to injury, I discovered that there are nine different ways to hand-hold and the “secrets” of what they mean.  (Want to know these secrets?  You know where to go.)

So I read through all the nine ways.  They have names like “The Down-Facing Palm,” “The Tightly-Interlocked Fingers,” “The One-Fingered Hand-Hold,” etc.  Hmmm.  Very complicated and not at all reassuring to a half of a non-hand holding couple.  But I wasn't through.

Next, I decided to investigate in the same scientific way "couples who do not hold hands!"  Obviously, there are those, besides husband, who don't "wanna hold your hand." I read that some non-hand holders take offense and object to the analysis of it.  Some object to the idea that it is "romantic."  Some think it is only done to show "ownership." (yuck)  There were as many reasons not to hold hands as kinds of hand holding.  

So holding hands is perhaps NOT an essential part of a relationship.  Maybe it really doesn't reveal a thing.    Maybe it's not a guaranteed thing; maybe holding hands does not equal holding a marriage together.  After all, if  I remember correctly, some of our hand-holding friends from the past are now divorced!  Hmm.

But I must read on...

The most prominent non-hand holding couple mentioned was the Royals--beautiful Kate and William.  Did you realize that they are not hand-holders? I hadn’t really thought about it at all. 

According to Goggle, "Not only do the royal duo have immense respect for one another, but they also seem to be immensely happy and endlessly in love more or less all of the time...the reason they aren't [hand-holders] is simply a matter of decorum."  

So there!  That answers the question for them and maybe for others.  I'm feeling a lot better.  At least we are in good company.  Every scientific study has a conclusion, right?  So, after all this deep studying of my own about hand holding, I think I've finally reached a conclusion.  

Husband doesn't hold hands because...wait for it... he just doesn't like it.

He doesn't like beets either. 

P.S. 

My study did reveal important facts to me.   Husband and I are non-hand holders and that’s okay.  There are other couples that are also non-hand holders, and that’s okay.  We don’t fit in the Google categories, and that’s okay.  We do, however,  fit the quote below and that’s not okay, that is wonderful!

“He closed his eyes, and I closed mine, and even though we weren't holding hands, it felt like we were.  Because what we had, we knew.” ― Kami Garcia, Beautiful Chaos